Saturday, May 10, 2014

Job Opening: Team Leader, Laborer, and Domestic Mastermind

Here's a little job description I amused myself with as I looked for a new job this spring.  Just in time for Mother's Day. . . 

The right person for this three-tier job will provide support to other team members to gain increased efficiencies and profitabililty by possessing skills in the following areas:

1. Prepare three meals daily for team members, using proper nutritional balances, fresh ingredients, and various ethnic styles. Must demonstrate skill within budgetary limitations.  Nutritious snacks as requested. Occasional gourmet meals for visiting guests. Provide on-the-job training to junior staff.  Tasks may include other aspects of coordinating and maintaining a 24-hour kitchen and dining room.
2. Maintain inventory including, but not limited to, the following categories: clothes, food, cleaning agents, office supplies, garden supplies. Demonstrate skill within budgetary limitations and stock rotation. Purchase new equipment and supplies as needed for maximum efficiency. Car and company credit card supplied.
3. Manage all aspects of laundry, including training junior staff and acquiring new garments as needed to surmount growth spurts, stains, carelessness, and changing styles.  Experience with mending required.
4. Ensure optimal cleanliness and appearance in building, supervising junior staff as needed. Daily tidying encouraged.  Organize and perform weekly cleaning as well as periodic deep cleaning.
5. Manage incoming paper and mail daily so that other team members can locate their papers up to one year later. Schedule appointments as needed. Handle accounts payable.
6. Manage social calendar, maintaining appropriate stature in neighborhood, school, church, and general acquaintances.  Explore and initiate proper enrichment activities for junior staff.  Transport junior staff as needed.
7. Provide assistance to the Significant Team Member as requested.  Duties and hours vary.  Flexibility and cooperation is key.
8. Provide assistance to junior staff as requested.  Unlimited hours.  Patience and kindness required.

An ideal candidate can perform these duties enthusiastically, consistently, and skillfully.

Daily hours:  6am-9pm, breaks by chance only, on call 24 hours a day

No salary. No sick days. Benefits package includes contentment, frustration, love, antidepressants, and coffee.  Health insurance provided through Significant Team Member (we hope). Disability insurance and 401-k provided through junior staff's future careers and largesse.

No opportunity for advancement.

Photos on this post from a trip we took to New York which included the Staten Island Ferry and Central Park.

And the job I was looking for?  I landed several freelance editing contracts that are just right. I am still getting the hang of working from home, but in general, we are doing well and I am very pleased. 


Lisa said...

Congratulations on your new job. As for your main job, you are wrong about the "no advancement" - the reward of a Proverbs 31 woman will surely be the best type of advancement. :)

Rozy Lass said...

While there's no guaranteed advancement, I'm hoping to be a Grandma someday. I love being a wife, mother and homemaker. I feel like I'm the boss! On sunny days if I wanted to take the children on a picnic we did. If we wanted to watch movies on a rainy day, we did. I despised working outside the home because someone else set the schedule and deadlines. I can force myself to do many things when I'm the one setting the tasks, parameters, and deadlines for the job. Happy Mother's Day to you!

momma-lana said...

The advancement is to Nana! It is the best job there is! I am a stay at home wife and so I still do all those other things too but I am now rewarded with little hands reaching for me and littles who call me on their Mommy's cell phone and then say nothing. (I know who they are.) Happy Mother's Day!

Unknown said...

Cute! I was a Mom to 3, working full time. What a full plate!

jenny_o said...

Congratulations on your new job(s)! And others have beaten me to the punch - advancement comes down the road when you become a grandma ... WAY down the road :)

Happy Mother's Day to you and all your readers!

Carolyne said...

I heartily agree~!
Becoming Mimi to five precious dearies is The Best Advancement I have ever been granted~! ♥
There is such complete Joy in each moment I'm with I understand why the Savior called little children to Him.

Margo said...

you are all right! I wasn't thinking about grandmother-hood. I loved watching my mother become a grandmother - she absolutely loves that "job."

BLD in MT said...

You are such a card. :)

Polly said...

I love it!
Mostly I love that this is my job description. It is the best, even if the hours are relentless (which is why I'm finally catching up on blogs at 1 am. hm.)

And congratulations on the freelance editing contracts!! I LOVED working from home back when I was doing it! (Before children.)