Thursday, April 23, 2020


I do not have swaths of time for projects.  If anything, I have more editing than usual, and now my people are home all the time, so I cannot count on chunks of work time like I could before COVID-19 hit.

I am sewing masks  - have made about 50 and am glad I have skills and materials for this, but wish everyone would get masked already. I want to start a quilt for my sister who has a big birthday in a few weeks, but instead, I sewed her masks.

My mom loaned me The Chilbury Ladies Choir by Jennifer Grey, which is set in World War II England. I really liked it! It helps me to calm down to think of people living through wars where they wanted to carry on with normal life, wanted to "do their bit" to help the situation, and could not make plans for the future. That's how I feel right now, even though I acknowledge how fortunate I am that I am not deprived of any comforts of a first-world existence.  Really.  Sometimes the store does not have the exact groceries that I have on my list, but come on, I have lived in other countries where the store selection was spotty.  I do not think we will starve.
For a while now, I have kept a well-stocked, deep pantry.  I have flour and yeast!  Now I am not sure if we should eat to the bottom of my stores, or if I should replace my replacements.  I am confused.  I recognize this as a sign of the underlying grief and stress that COVID-19 brings and I just chug along, limiting grocery shopping to one market trip a week and the grocery store to 2-3 weeks. 

I am extremely proud of my menus, my resourcefulness with the food we do have on hand.  I know how to make do with odds and ends! I think my family is less impressed and wishes to know where I've hidden the chips. I am messing around with my sourdough as I have been since before Christmas, learning new ways and studying various methods.  When the library abruptly shut down lending, I won the jackpot with a full library basket that includes no less than four cookbooks, two on bread! Not that I have actually been reading them.  My big kids have been reading Harry Potter for the first time and coaxed me into reading along after I read the first book out loud to them. 

This is Phoebe's desk, her Christmas present; she loves it.
I have gradually come to expect nothing from the future, except that I can't wait to hug dear ones outside my family again and sing in groups again. Oh, I miss singing so badly! I am really not making any future plans so that COVID-19 can't steal my plans again. When I remember to look at my calendar, I usually see something that I need to delete. Sometimes I rage, sometimes I cry.

I like to walk the estate (we live in the city; we have a yard) and revel in all my growing plants: the three types of raspberries growing back, our little tiny oak tree, my big rhubarb, the persistent meadow tea, the peas and spinach coming up strong in the new raised bed.  Inside, I found a grow-light lightbulb and a lamp and trained it on my sweet little herb seedlings in the windowsill. All this green, growing hope.  I crave it.


How are you doing these strange, strange days?